CEO Discovers Crowdfunding, Hails It as "Revolutionary New Concept"

Morally Bankrupt Game Studios announced today that it will be launching a crowdfunding campaign, with CEO Ron Eckhart describing the funding model as “a groundbreaking innovation that will rock the industry” despite the practice having existed for over a decade.

The decision comes after what Eckhart characterises as “an exhaustive six-week search for acquisition offers” which has yielded no viable results, unless one counts three car warranty scams, two cryptocurrency schemes, and what turned out to be his mother accidentally emailing him from an unfamiliar address.

“I was browsing the internet — researching yacht financing options, actually — when I stumbled upon this absolutely revolutionary concept,” Eckhart explained to a seemingly unconvinced crowd of journalists in the forecourt of a car dealership. “People just…give you money. Before you’ve made anything. It’s extraordinary. I’m frankly shocked that more businesses haven’t thought of this.”

When informed that crowdfunding platforms like Kickstarter and Patreon have been operational since 2009 and 2013 respectively, and have funded thousands of projects, Eckhart wasn’t deterred. “No, I don’t think so,” the young CEO replied. “Pretty sure I’m the first to this.”

“Either way,” he continued, “The key thing is that I’ve discovered it now, and I’m certainly one of the first CEOs in the gaming industry to recognize its potential. Even if some other companies are doing it, I definitely don’t know any of them, so it doesn’t count.”

The studio’s Patreon campaign, launching next week, will feature what Eckhart describes as “carefully calibrated reward tiers designed to extract — sorry, provide — maximum value at every price point.”

When asked what tangible benefits supporters would receive, Eckhart was characteristically forthcoming.

“That’s the beauty of this model — there essentially aren’t any tangible benefits. It’s all vibes-based. People give us money because they believe in the vision, not because they expect anything concrete in return. Which is perfect for us, because concrete deliverables require work, and work is expensive.”

Pressed on whether supporters would receive copies of any games the studio produces, Eckhart became notably evasive.

“We’ve been very careful with our wording. Some tiers do offer ‘access to any games we are working on.’ Note that we don’t promise to be working on any games at any given time. We also don’t specify what kind of access—it might be physical access to the office where the game is theoretically being developed, though obviously we don’t have an office. The point is, we’ve built in maximum flexibility.”

The CEO also clarified that all tiers are subject to “dynamic adjustment,” a term he defined as “we can change the benefits or pricing whenever we want.”

“We might add tiers, remove tiers, merge tiers—it’s all very fluid. The Yacht Club tier, for instance, might increase to £10,000 if we find that people are willing to pay it. Market research suggests that some individuals have more money than sense, and we’d be foolish not to cater to that demographic.”

When questioned about the campaign’s funding goal, Eckhart revealed there isn’t one.

“Goals create expectations, Fern, and expectations create accountability. We’re taking what I’m calling an ‘infinite runway’ approach. We’ll simply continue accepting money indefinitely until either we make something or we don’t. Both outcomes are equally acceptable from our perspective.”

The studio’s development team—which Eckhart believes currently consists of “at least four people, possibly including me”—was reportedly not consulted about the crowdfunding campaign or what rewards might be feasible to deliver.

“I’ll inform them once the money starts coming in,” Eckhart noted. “I find it’s better to present these things as accomplished facts rather than invite unnecessary discussion. Derek, or whoever’s in charge of the actual work, will figure out what we can realistically deliver. Which is probably nothing, but that’s fine because we haven’t technically promised anything specific.”

Industry observers have expressed skepticism about whether the campaign will attract supporters, given the company’s complete lack of any demonstrated competence or released products.

“That’s actually what makes this such a perfect fit for us,” Eckhart countered. “Traditional investment requires business plans, projections, proof of concept—it’s all terribly demanding. But crowdfunding? People fund ideas. Dreams. Potential. Dragon MMOs with no realistic probability of success. We have all of those things in abundance, specifically because we haven’t actually done anything yet that could prove we’re incapable of delivering them.”

The CEO also suggested that the campaign’s success was “virtually guaranteed” due to the studio’s unique approach to transparency.

“Other companies launch crowdfunding campaigns with elaborate gameplay videos, detailed roadmaps, carefully managed expectations. Then when they inevitably fail to deliver, their backers feel betrayed. We’re avoiding that entire problem by being completely upfront about our incompetence and greed from day one. When we fail to deliver—and we will—our supporters will have no grounds for complaint whatsoever.”

When asked whether this represented a shift away from seeking acquisition, Eckhart was emphatic in his response.

“Absolutely not, Flora. I’m still checking my email every ten minutes for Saudi offers. In fact, having an active crowdfunding campaign with revenue might make us more attractive to buyers. We’d be bringing cash flow to the acquisition. Granted, it would be other people’s cash flowing into our accounts, but I don’t think potential buyers need to concern themselves with those technicalities.”

The CEO concluded the press conference by encouraging potential supporters to “get in early” on what he described as “a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to fund something that probably won’t exist.”

“This is your chance to be part of something truly special,” Eckhart said, reading from what appeared to be notes written on a napkin. “By supporting us, you’re not just funding a game—you’re funding the idea of a game, which is far less labor-intensive for us to deliver. And if you’re in the Yacht Club tier, you’re quite literally funding my yacht. I mean, our operational overhead. Which might include a yacht. For team-building purposes.”

At press time, Eckhart had concluded the interview to urgently check his email after his phone buzzed, though it turned out to be a notification that his mother had liked one of his posts on LinkedIn.

The Patreon campaign is expected to launch “sometime next week, probably,” with Eckhart noting that the precise timing depends on “whenever Derek finishes setting it up, assuming that’s something he knows how to do.”