Studio "Reluctantly Accepts" Need to Actually Develop Game

In what CEO Ron Eckhart describes as “a temporary setback in our acquisition strategy,” Morally Bankrupt Game Studios has announced it will begin genuine development of an actual video game, citing the “disappointing absence” of Saudi buyout offers as the primary motivation.

The decision comes just weeks after the company’s launch, during which time its primary business activity has consisted of CEO Ron Eckhart refreshing his email inbox and browsing luxury yacht listings.

“I want to be absolutely clear about this,” Eckhart told reporters during an impromptu video call on Tuesday morning. “This is not the outcome we were hoping for. We had very reasonable expectations that a well-funded consortium would recognize our potential and acquire us before we had to do any of the tedious work associated with game development. That they haven’t is, frankly, baffling.”

When asked whether the company’s complete lack of products, revenue, or tangible assets might have deterred potential buyers, Eckhart dismissed the suggestion entirely.

“see, that’s the kind of attitude that we really don’t need around here. Such negativity holds back our great potential. If anything, our total lack of assets of any kind should have made us more attractive — no messy legacy code to deal with, no disappointed fans to manage, no promises we’ve already broken. We’re a blank canvas. Well, we were. Now we’re in the rather unfortunate position of actually having to paint something on it.”

The CEO confirmed that the company’s development team — which he maintains does exist and numbers “at least one part-time employee who has written a bit of python before” — has been instructed to begin working on what he called “a game-shaped product.”

“I’ve told Claire - was it Claire? - Let’s call them Claire, that we need something we can show investors,” Eckhart explained. “Nothing too elaborate — just enough that we can put together a compelling pitch deck for our next round of acquisition outreach. Grab some assets from the store, get some nice clips of them in some interesting environments, you know the drill. No real gameplay or anything, just enough for a trailer that makes it seem like we’ve actually made some level of effort.”

When pressed for details about the game itself, Eckhart became notably evasive.

“We’re keeping the specifics close to the chest for now. What I can say is that it will be a video game, it will likely involve some form of interaction, and it will absolutely feature multiple opportunities for players to spend additional money after purchase. Beyond that, I don’t want to limit our options. For all I know, we might pivot entirely before we announce anything. The important thing is that we’re moving forward with what I’m calling ‘strategic development theater.’”

Industry analysts have expressed skepticism about the announcement, with some questioning whether the company possesses the technical expertise or organizational competence to deliver a functional product.

“That’s actually an advantage,” Eckhart countered when informed of the criticism. “Low expectations mean we’re almost certain to disappoint people less severely than if we’d promised something ambitious. We’re aiming for what I’d describe as ‘adequate mediocrity.’ If we can achieve that, I’ll consider it a win. Of course, we might not achieve it. We might not achieve anything. But at least we’ll have tried, which is more than we were planning to do three weeks ago.”

The CEO also confirmed that despite this shift toward actual development, the company remains “enthusiastically open” to acquisition offers, particularly from Saudi Arabian consortiums.

“Just because we’re making a game now doesn’t mean we want to finish it,” Eckhart clarified. “If someone wants to buy us halfway through development — or ideally sooner — that would be fabulous. We’ll have just enough work done to justify a higher valuation, but not so much that we’ve spent a significant amount of the yacht - sorry, development - fund.”

When asked about a timeline for the game’s announcement or release, Eckhart was characteristically forthcoming about the company’s lack of planning.

“I wouldn’t want to put a date on it. Dates lead to expectations. Expectations lead to failure. Failure leads to accountability, accountability leads to… well… I’m not quite sure… Thanks to my astute business sense I’ve not reached that stage yet. What I will say is that we’re tentatively targeting sometime between ’eventually’ and ’no.’”

Despite the uncertain path forward, Eckhart maintained his characteristic optimism about the company’s prospects, though he admitted the reality of actual work was “less appealing than anticipated.”

“Look, nobody goes into business because they want to work,” Eckhart concluded. “You do it because you want other people to work while you collect the profits. But if we have to build something ourselves before we can sell the company, then I suppose that’s what we’ll do. Though I’m still checking my email every fifteen minutes. You never know when that Saudi offer might come through.”

At press time, no further announcements about a buyout have been forthcoming.