Studio "Reluctantly Accepts" Need to Actually Develop Game

In what CEO Ron Eckhart describes as “a temporary setback in our acquisition strategy,” Morally Bankrupt Game Studios has announced it will begin development of a video game, citing the “disappointing absence” of buyout offers as the primary motivation.

The decision comes just weeks after the company’s launch, during which time its primary business activity has consisted of CEO Ron Eckhart refreshing his email inbox and browsing luxury yacht listings.

“I want to be absolutely clear about this,” Eckhart told reporters during an impromptu video call on Tuesday morning. “This is not the outcome we were hoping for. We had very reasonable expectations that a well-funded consortium would recognize our potential and acquire us before we had to do any of the tedious work associated with game development. The fact that no one has is, frankly, baffling.”

When asked whether the company’s lack of tangible assets or plans to make any might have deterred potential buyers, Eckhart dismissed the suggestion entirely.

“Well, It’s very clear why I’m the CEO of a big games development company and you aren’t. In the modern business world, if anything, our total lack of assets of any kind makes us more attractive — no messy legacy code to deal with, no disappointed fans to manage, no history of bad launches or broken promises. We’re a blank canvas. Well, we were. Now we’re in the rather unfortunate position of actually having to paint something on it.”

The CEO confirmed that the company’s development team, which he insists does exist and numbers “at least one part-time employee who has written a bit of python before”, has been instructed to begin working on what he called “an approximately game-shaped product.”

“I’ve told Claire…was it Claire?…Let’s go with Claire, that we need something we can show investors,” Eckhart explained. “Nothing too elaborate — just enough that we can put together a compelling pitch deck for our next round of acquisition outreach. Grab some free assets from the store, get some nice clips of them in some interesting environments, you know the drill. No real gameplay or anything, just enough for a trailer that makes it seem like we’ve actually made some level of effort.”

When pressed for details about the long-term direction of the game, Eckhart became notably evasive.

“The long term direction is that we really would rather not have to maintain this charade for the long term,” he said. “In the event that development continues…past the point of vaporware…well, all I can say is that it will be a video game, it will likely involve some form of interaction, and it will absolutely be available for pre-order on steam…just as soon as we can pull together the cash to list it there. Beyond that, I don’t want to limit our options. For all I know, we might pivot entirely before we announce anything. The important news today is that we’re moving forward with what I’m calling ‘development theater.’”

Industry analysts have expressed skepticism about the announcement, with some questioning whether the company possesses the technical expertise or organizational competence to deliver a functional product.

“Well, of course we don’t,” Eckhart confirmed when informed of the criticism, looking somewhat confused. “But none of the big studios waste time delivering functional products anymore, not when players all pre-order them anyway. Have you not been paying attention? A modern games CEO would be fired for spending cash on developers that could otherwise be allocated to marketing.”

The CEO also confirmed that despite this shift toward actual development, the company remains “enthusiastically open” to acquisition offers, particularly from Saudi Arabian consortiums.

“Just because we’re making a game now doesn’t mean we want to finish it,” Eckhart clarified. “If someone wants to buy us halfway through development — or ideally sooner — that would be fabulous. We’ll have just enough work done to justify a higher valuation, but not so much that we’ve spent a significant amount of the yacht - sorry, development - fund.”

When asked about a timeline for the game’s announcement or release, Eckhart was characteristically forthcoming about the company’s lack of planning.

“I wouldn’t want to put a date on it. Dates lead to expectations. Expectations lead to failure. Failure leads to accountability, accountability leads to… well… I’m not quite sure… Thanks to my astute business sense I’ve not reached that stage yet. What I will say is that we’re tentatively targeting sometime between ’eventually’ and ’no.'”

Despite the uncertain path forward, Eckhart maintained his characteristic optimism about the company’s prospects, though he admitted the reality of actual work was “less appealing than anticipated.”

“Look, nobody goes into business because they want to work,” Eckhart concluded. “You do it because you want other people to work while you collect the profits. But if we have to build something ourselves before we can sell the company, then I suppose that’s what we’ll do. Though I’m still hitting that refresh button on my inbox. You never know when that offer might come through.”

At press time, there remained no news about a potential acquisition.